…is that it leaves you vulnerable. Vulnerable to either being accepted or rejected. Vulnerable to being judged. Just plain vulnerable. It lets the world know just how flawed you really are.
Here is my truth: I don’t like to be vulnerable. In hindsight, I know that the primary reason it took me so long to publish a book is because I did not want to put myself out there like that. So I struggled for a very long time with this dream of wanting to be a published writer but scared to actually do it but at the same time feeling like if I never did I would regret it and turn into this bitter old woman who was mad at the world because of what should have been.
So, it took a long time but I finally got over the initial fear and finished a project from concept to publication. When I finally did publish, what did I do? I sent out a little email to some of the people on my contact list. From there, I let it go. Never mentioned it again until I released the short story a few weeks back and just did a little update. Did I ever announce on my FB page? Nope. Did I invite people to like my page? A few. Encourage my inner circle to check it out? Not really.
Pubbing my novella was a major feat for me. Why didn’t I share it with EVERYONE? Why didn’t I ask everybody I knew to support me? Was it because:
1. I’m a piss-poor self marketer?
2. I didn’t want to open myself up to the people that know me (or think they do)?
It’s actually both. Because I don’t like putting myself out there like that, it made me a piss-poor self-marketer. I was much more comfortable trying to work from scratch and gain the support of people who don’t know me. But I realize that I’m going to have to get vulnerable, a lot more vulnerable. To not be is less than authentic.
So, here’s to becoming a bit more transparent and everything that comes along with it.